Mindset Is Everything. Here's What That Actually Means.

Mindset 3 of 3

"It's all mindset."

If you're like most people, you've heard that phrase so many times it's lost meaning. It sounds like empty motivation. Like something people post on Instagram with a sunset background. Like toxic positivity from people who don't understand real problems.

I get it, so did I. Then I faced a situation that tested every belief I had about mindset. And I learned what it actually means. Not the Instagram version. The real version.

Let me be clear from the start: mindset is not positive thinking. It's not pretending problems don't exist. It's not some magical force that makes bad circumstances disappear. It's not about vision boards or affirmations or manifesting your dreams.

Mindset is something much simpler and much harder.

What Mindset Actually Is

Mindset is choosing how you arrive in the face of circumstances you can't control. That's it. That's the whole thing.

We all have stuff happening to us. Career chaos. Financial pressure. Family drama. Health problems. Relationship struggles. Emotional turmoil. The list is endless and different for everyone.

You can't control most of that stuff. You can't control the economy. You can't control your company's decisions. You can't control other people's actions. You can't control many of the circumstances that impact your life.

But you can absolutely control how you respond to them.

That's mindset. Not the response itself, but the conscious choice about the response.

Most people wake up and let their circumstances dictate their mood, their energy, their actions. Bad news comes in, and they spiral. Problems pile up, and they collapse under the weight. Life gets hard, and they go into victim mode. That's not mindset. That's reaction.

Mindset is pausing between the circumstance and your response and making a choice. Consciously. Deliberately. About how you're going to show up.

The Test

At 53, I got tested on, and got to test, everything I believed about mindset. In Mindset 1 and 2 I talk about the discussion came in March 2024. I had every reason to panic. Every excuse to slip into victim mode. Every justification for fear and resentment and "why is this happening to me?"

Here's what I did do:

I acknowledged reality. The situation was terrible. I didn't like it. I didn't minimize it or pretend it wasn't serious.

Then I asked one question: "What do I do now?" - Not "Why did this happen?" Not "How is this fair?" Not "What if it gets worse?" What do I do now? How do I put one foot forward? How do I start working toward resolving this? How do I make life easier for me and better for people around me?

That's mindset. Acknowledging reality, then choosing your response to it.

The Choice You Have Right Now

Right now, you have stuff crushing you. I don't know what your stuff is, but I know you have it. Everyone does. Maybe you're facing a layoff. Maybe you're in a toxic work environment. Maybe you're stuck in a career that stopped fulfilling you years ago. Maybe you're dealing with family problems, health issues, financial stress, relationship struggles.

Your stuff is real. Your problems are legitimate. Your fear is understandable.

None of that determines what you do next.

You can wake up tomorrow and allow your circumstances to define your day. You can let the weight of your problems determine how you show up. You can spend your energy on worry and fear and resentment.

Or you can get your head straight and say: "This is terrible. I don't like it. I can be the master of it." You can control the things going on about you, for you, around you. Then you can work to solve the challenges instead of being crushed by them.

What Mindset Looks Like in Practice

Let me give you specifics.

1. You acknowledge reality without being defined by it.

You don't deny problems exist. You don't minimize them. You look at them directly and say, "Yes, this is happening. This is hard. This is real." Then you separate the circumstance from your identity. The circumstance is happening TO you. It's not WHO you are.

2. You ask the right questions.

Questions that keep you stuck (the wrong ones):

• "Why did this happen to me?"

• "How is this fair?"

• "Who can I blame?"

• "What if it gets worse?"

Questions move you forward (the right ones):

• "What do I do now?"

• "What can I control in this situation?"

• "What's the next small step?"

• "How do I move forward?"

The questions you ask determine the answers you get. Ask victim questions, get victim answers. Ask agency questions, get action.

3. You control what you can control.

You can't control the economy, your company's decisions, other people's actions, or most external circumstances.

You can control:

• How you show up

• The effort you give

• Who you become

• What you learn

• How you treat people

• The next action you take

Stop wasting energy on things outside your control. Redirect that energy to what you can control.

4. You take small steps consistently.

Mindset isn't about massive overhauls or dramatic changes. It's about small behavioral steps that compound over time. You don't need to have it all figured out. You don't need a perfect plan. You need to take one small step in the right direction. Then another. Then another. Small steps create momentum. Momentum creates trajectory. Trajectory changes everything.

People who succeed choose to arrive differently.

They don't deny problems. They're not delusional optimists. They don't pretend everything's fine when it's not. They look at problems and say: "What do I do now? How do I move forward?" Instead of: "Why is this happening to me? How is this fair?" They take ownership of their response even when they can't control their circumstances. They choose how they arrive, every single morning, in the face of whatever they're facing.

The Trap of Victim Mode

The opposite of mindset is victim mode. And victim mode is seductive because it feels justified. When bad things happen to you - and they will - being a victim feels appropriate. You have every right to feel wronged. Every justification for anger and resentment. Every reason to say, "This isn't fair."

And you're right. It probably isn't fair.

Victim mode doesn't help you. It keeps you stuck.

Victim mode says: "I can't do anything about this. It's outside my control. Someone else needs to fix this. Someone else is responsible for my situation."

Mindset says: "I can't control this circumstance. But I can control my response. I'm responsible for what I do next."

The difference is everything.

Victim mode is a trap. Once you're in it, every problem becomes evidence that the world is against you. Every setback confirms that you're powerless. Every challenge proves that you can't succeed.

Mindset is freedom. Once you understand you control your response, every problem becomes an opportunity to demonstrate who you are. Every setback is data to inform your next move. Every challenge is a chance to grow.

You're the only person who puts your right foot on the floor in the morning.

Nobody else can do that for you. Nobody else can make the decision about how you're going to show up, today. Everyday. Nobody else can choose your response to your circumstances.

That's your power. That's your agency. That's your mindset. Every morning, you have a choice. Will you arrive as a victim of your circumstances? Or will you arrive as someone who acknowledges reality but chooses their response to it?

The circumstances don't change based on your choice. The problems don't disappear. The challenges don't get easier.

What to Do Right Now

Stop and ask yourself: How am I showing up right now? Am I arriving as a victim of my circumstances? Am I letting problems define me? Am I spending energy on things I can't control?

Or am I choosing my response? Am I focusing on what I can control? Am I taking small steps forward? You don't need to have it all figured out. You don't need a perfect plan. You don't need to fix everything today.

You need to make one choice: How will you show up tomorrow?

Then make that choice. Then make it again the next day. Then again the day after that. Small choices compound. Daily decisions create trajectory. Your mindset determines your path.

The Alternative

Let me paint the alternative picture. Because it's important to see where victim mode leads.

You can switch on your favorite news channel and absorb all the fear and chaos. You can listen to office gossip and politics. You can let social media doomscrolling define your worldview. You can allow all that noise to determine how you show up.

And the next day will get worse. And the day after that will get worse. And six months from now, you'll be exactly where you are today, except more bitter, more stuck, more convinced that nothing can change.

Simplicity

Mindset isn't complicated. It's not mystical. It's not reserved for special people or unique circumstances. It's a choice. A daily, moment-by-moment choice about how you respond to what life throws at you. You can't control most of what happens to you. But you can control how you arrive in the face of it.

That's everything. Your circumstances don't define you. Your response does.

What will you decide?

Your right foot is on the floor. You're here. Reading this. The moment is now.

What do you do next?